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Doubledb
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Name: Daniel
Gender: Male
Interests: i listen to christian music ---I have been going to seminary since spring 2006 getting my Master in Divinity/ and got a job as a Youth Minister. I like to read, i write some poetry, i like to play games on computer or console. i like to watch movies.. lots of em.. oh yeah!!! i can draw but dont because im too impatient (- it takes me a long time to do a good drawing), and i also sorta play guitar. oh, and i can sing. I also majored in Religion and minored in youth ministry in my undergrad.
Expertise: Living post-student life, trying to pay bills, student loans, hang with friends, keep up with awesome movies and shows, and follow God in life and ministry.
Occupation: Post-Seminary Student and Part
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  GodismyRock02
MSN: doubledb2000@hotmail.com
Member Since:
5/11/2004
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| Psalm 136 Revisited
When the world seems too much,
His love endures forever.
When stress builds and anxiety is on the rise,
His love endures forever.
When my job weighs me down,
His love endures forever.
When bills are piled high,
His love endures forever.
When I strive and fall.
His love endures forever.
When I push forward and succeed,
His love endures forever.
When I regret my past,
His love endures forever.
When I learn from my past and more forward,
His love endures forever.
When I open up and am rejected,
His love endures forever.
When I find new connections and friendships,
His love endures forever.
When tears of sorrow and sadness cover my face,
His love endures forever.
When moments of laughter lighten my heart,
His love endures forever.
When I feel down and depressed,
His love endures forever.
When I feel hope and joy,
His love endures forever.
When the future overwhelms my spirit,
His love endures forever.
When I am granted strength in weakness,
His love endures forever.
When I fall into the lie of materialism,
His love endures forever.
When I serve and sacrifice beyond my comfort zone,
His love endures forever.
When I am confused on where to go,
His love endures forever.
When I feel His guidance in my life,
His love endures forever.
When the end comes,
When tears and sorrow cease,
When faith, hope, & love collide,
When light fills the last dark places of sin,
When evil has finally been wiped from creation and soul,
Your Love Endures Forever.
~ Daniel
Video/Song-"Forever" by Chris Tomlin:
http://www.youtube.com/wat..ch?v=AYg6YP_y6dY
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| I see you
See you there again
A rush of emotions begins
My heartbeat increases
Increases as I remember...
It all comes flooding back
I am overhwelmed by the past
Overcome by all my past emotions.
Reason has no place here it seems
For I am taken back
I am chained down
You have this draw over me
I sit
Trying to be reasonable
Trying to make sense of it all...
Why did things turn out the way they did?
Why do people play games?
Where is honesty?
Where is... ME?
Where am I in all of this?
Where do I fit in?
Where do I go from here?
How do I break out of this emotional,
This mental prison I find myself?
It is You,
The Other who put me here,
Who drove me behind bars of unanswered questions,
Who locked the door of rejection,
Leaving me stranded.
Leaving me wondering back and forth,
Pacing in my own mind.
You led me by the hand into the room,
Then ran away saying nothing,
Leaving only silence behind...
I tried to reach you,
But I could only reach so far...
You went away, you left,
You locked the door,
The door I must now try to open myself...
I pound and pound,
I cry and weep,
I throw myself,
But the door seems to keep.
But I won't give up hope,
For there are OTHERS,
OTHERS to help,
OTHERS to hear,
OTHERS who will help me,
Help me when I am in need...
I see the blissful day,
When the bars fall,
When the door slams down,
When I find myself free,
And finally, finally Can BE.
~ Daniel
Pic:
http://a924.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/24/l_d1526fd70c18608c24a1b7df6609f16b.jpg | | |
| This was a comment on another blog, but it got me thinking...
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I was kinda hanging out and when on one date with this girl, who later send me a message on facebook telling me she didn't feel the same but wanted to be friends. At the time I didn't think much of it but later I thought it was lame since I asked her out on the date in person she could at least have told me her feelings in person. Now our friendship is awkward because she never really wanted/wants to talk about why she ended it or how we can be friends... I am trying to figure out if I should talk to her or just screw it and not talk to her anymore. It has been a little over a year and she only wants to hang out in groups to separate our dating from our friendship (which she said in another message on facebook a few weeks later after she said she wanted to still hang out still).
I really haven't done anything since I don't know what to do, lol - life is great isnt it?
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Should I try to talk with her and sort out our friendship?
Should I write a letter, call, meet in person?
Should I just say whatever, screw it, I tried for a year to be friends on an individual basis by every now and then trying to see whats up, dealing with unanswered calls, voicemails, and fb messages, & trying to hang out with her... so now just let it go, and just admit we are not friends anymore?
Just curious
~ Daniel (doubledb)
p.s. - We never even did things like hold hands or kiss or get romantic, so I don't know why there is this big ideal that WE must draw away from one another, cause it didn't seem like we were really attached to begin with. I have tried to be friends and every few weeks or sometimes only once am month or so contact her and see whats up, usually my calls or vociemails or messages not being returned (She also has problems with forgetfulness and anxiety but that might be an excuse for being passive). I have another mild guess that a lot of this may be because she has issues to sort though but I might just be projected that on her so I don't think it was me she really rejected.
Comments/Advice Welcome
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I have been thinking about dreams and fears a lot lately and about
my devotion to Christ. I think that next Sunday when I preach filling
in for a friend I am going to preach on fear, something related to
Moses and some others we see in scripture. No one was without fear,
from Moses to David, Elijah running to the cave, Jeremiah wrestling
with his calling, and Jesus in the garden pleading with God to take the
cup from him if there was any other possible way.
I have fear, I will admit it... I know a lot of people do not; they
feel it better to hide fear from others and even from themselves.
Sometimes I am fearful of things like driving and driving through the
rain.... but other times I am afraid of so much more. Sometimes I am
afraid that I have spent all this time educating myself for a full-time
ministry position, following God, and now in the time when things
should happen nothing is.. and my fear is that nothing will ever come
of it, that I will never find a ministry job, that somehow I am missing
something or others will never see the spark of God in me, the one that
I know is there but need a chance to show, need a chance to cultivate
and mold and express to others.
I have another fear... It is being up in the front, though not nearly
as bad as it use to be it is still there, only by the times I have
pushed myself forward (with some help from others and strength from
God) have I found it easier as my life as progressed. Of course, I have
also learned that I am much more nervous before being up front than
when I am actually up front, kinda like getting a shot at the doctors
office... sometimes the waiting is so very unnerving and difficult,
perhaps that is why I find this period in my life quite unnerving.
Trying to trust God and wait when the signs seem to show otherwise is
difficult. But my fear is that I give up on my calling because it makes
me uncomfortable, because it takes risks, because I may not seem the
minister-type to some. I have friends who have given up their callings
(ministry or otherwise), I know who they are and it saddens me to see
them settle for something less when God called them to something
greater. Some would say they found a more practical route, more
financially feasible, got married or had kids.... to me these are
excuses in life that hinder us from following God, from becoming
fulfilled.
My fear is that I will never get up and preach like I dream about,
preaching sermons that bring light into peoples life. Some that bring
them kneeling with utter conviction and others that will infuse
believers with joy in the love and compassion from their God, and that
that love might be shared with others as the community bond tightens
and the Kingdom of God grows like a mustard seed. I fear I will become
lazy and doubtful and leave these dreams, these visions behind and
trade them for something plain, something normal, settle for a mediocre
faith, one that is based on my level of ease and not based on
struggling to risk, struggling to let God use me in ways I cannot even
imagine.
Another underlying fear is that I will be single, that I will never be
married. As much as single guys normally are not supposed to want such
things, I actually do... and I have this fear that it will never happen
either because it is not God's will for my life or because I have
become so pessimistic about relationships now that I will never try for
more than friendship, nor would anyone ever see me as more... that I
would remain stuck between the family I grew up with and the family I
will never have.
Fears, yes I have fears but mixed in with these fears are my dreams,
did you sense them in those paragraphs I just wrote, strewn without and
within, between the lines and intermixed with my fears... yes, they are
intertwined and if I never meet my fears, if I never trust God in those
times and in those things, then I will never truly be able to even try
grasping at such dreams.
My dreams are to have a wife and a family one day, but also to be a
Christian who truly expresses Christ with both my words and my deeds;
spoken, written, and acted-out in and through my life. That I will find
a ministry job that will use all my gifts and that God will give me the
boldness to speak those words, the ones that sit between his word and
spirit and my mouth, the ones that stay hidden, the ones that lay
waiting... waiting for what sometimes I am not sure...
So my dear fellow readers,
I now ask you the questions...
What are you fears?
What are you dreams?
Have you given up? Are you struggling?
How do your fears and dreams mix and fight against one another?
~ Daniel
Pic:
http://imgarchive.info/200..904/47279.jpg
Almost Used:
http://www.hemmy.net/image..s/photography/childrennigh..tmare01.jpg
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Current mood:  anxious
What Dreams May Come
08/23/2009 - 6:39AM
I just woke up from another dream, another dream almost so bad it felt
like a nightmare for some strange reason. I woke up with feelings of
anxiety and my heart was pumping. The dream itself was simple enough
really... I was taking on an additional job at a grocery store stocking
and fronting. In it I had a leader and a person helping me, then in the
middle of it they left, they were gone, and I was left by myself. After
a while I found a kind lady who helped me out, who told me what to do
and then said my job was only two hours every night (which was odd to
me in my dream and I must have thought it was supposed to be longer
somehow).
Why would that cause anxiety? I don’t know, I don’t know how to
interpret dreams really... Are they a mix of my feelings? Are they
random? Are they visions from God? Whatever it is, when I am in times
of confusion and trouble, in times of transition and searching, my
dreams seem to increase, and usually increase with and add to my
anxiety as well.
I long to have pleasant dreams again, which I haven’t had a lot of
since this past January. My soul has been on edge and with me leaving
my church, it has become worse... Maybe it is anxiety over finding
another church, over finding another ministry position, maybe me
questioning if youth ministry fits me. I don’t tell people this but
sometimes I have visions, day dreams about preaching Gods word... but
not what is normally heard, at least in an acceptable Caucasian
southern Baptist church. No, I have dreams of preaching like the
prophets of the Old Testament like Ezekiel, Jeremiah, or Elijah. For
some reason I think the church needs preaching but not from those who
are fearful but those who seem to hold no fear, which is funny to hear
from me, a guy who still has trouble getting up front in front of
people (though not nearly as bad as it use to be by any means).
I see our churches declining and I wonder where the power of God is at
in all of this. People say it is part of America’s moral decline and in
other countries the gospel is exploding. In most of those countries the
message is simply the gospel, the good news of Jesus but here in
America we already know the good news or people think they do at least.
What people need is to be awakened from their spiritual sleep; they
need to see the gospel and church as relevant. And I think a lot of
what the prophets said in the Old Testament is very pertinent to our
present condition in our country and in our churches.
Who will help the poor? The government has Medicare and Food Stamps and
Unemployment, but what is the church really doing about it? Should we
have universal healthcare? How is the church helping those who cannot
afford healthcare? (I am among them) Do we offer to help those in need
freely or do we coerce them by our helping hands to hear the gospel
message. I have heard stories where help was only offered if those in
need attended some bible study, church service, seminar, or revival
meeting. Is this the heart of the gospel? Do you think Jesus would hold
carrots in front of a hungry person but tell them they could not eat
unless they listened to his message? I don’t see Jesus using that kind
of manipulation, maybe sometimes we depend more on a person hearing a
sermon than on the Holy Spirit speaking after a kind act, leaving the
person wondering why love would be shown freely, with no strings
attached.
What dreams may come... for me in my jobs and ministry, for me in
relationships which often confuse me, and for the future of the church
in America and among all Christians, my brothers and sisters in the
faith. In all things may we continue to seek and trust God.
~ Daniel
Pic:
http://harvestfellowship.n..et/yahoo_site_admin/assets../images/j0433074.143171504.._std.jpg
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