Doubledb's Xanga

Prison of my Mind (09/15/2009)

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:45:08 GMT

Prison of My Mind
09/15/2009

I see you
See you there again
A rush of emotions begins
My heartbeat increases
Increases as I remember...

It all comes flooding back
I am overhwelmed by the past
Overcome by all my past emotions.

Reason has no place here it seems
For I am taken back
I am chained down
You have this draw over me

I sit
Trying to be reasonable
Trying to make sense of it all...

Why did things turn out the way they did?
Why do people play games?
Where is honesty?
Where is... ME?

Where am I in all of this?
Where do I fit in?
Where do I go from here?
How do I break out of this emotional,
This mental prison I find myself?

It is You,
The Other who put me here,
Who drove me behind bars of unanswered questions,
Who locked the door of rejection,
Leaving me stranded.
Leaving me wondering back and forth,
Pacing in my own mind.

You led me by the hand into the room,
Then ran away saying nothing,
Leaving only silence behind...

I tried to reach you,
But I could only reach so far...

You went away, you left,
You locked the door,
The door I must now try to open myself...

I pound and pound,
I cry and weep,
I throw myself,
But the door seems to keep.

But I won't give up hope,
For there are OTHERS,
OTHERS to help,
OTHERS to hear,
OTHERS who will help me,
Help me when I am in need...

I see the blissful day,
When the bars fall,
When the door slams down,
When I find myself free,
And finally, finally Can BE.

~ Daniel
Pic:
http://a924.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/24/l_d1526fd70c18608c24a1b7df6609f16b.jpg

Curious Question

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 12:36:06 GMT

This was a comment on another blog, but it got me thinking...
--------------
I was kinda hanging out and when on one date with this girl, who later send me a message on facebook telling me she didn't feel the same but wanted to be friends. At the time I didn't think much of it but later I thought it was lame since I asked her out on the date in person she could at least have told me her feelings in person. Now our friendship is awkward because she never really wanted/wants to talk about why she ended it or how we can be friends... I am trying to figure out if I should talk to her or just screw it and not talk to her anymore. It has been a little over a year and she only wants to hang out in groups to separate our dating from our friendship (which she said in another message on facebook a few weeks later after she said she wanted to still hang out still).

I really haven't done anything since I don't know what to do, lol - life is great isnt it?
------------

Should I try to talk with her and sort out our friendship?

Should I write a letter, call, meet in person?

Should I just say whatever, screw it, I tried for a year to be friends on an individual basis by every now and then trying to see whats up, dealing with unanswered calls, voicemails, and fb messages, & trying to hang out with her... so now just let it go, and just admit we are not friends anymore?

Just curious

~ Daniel (doubledb)

p.s. - We never even did things like hold hands or kiss or get romantic, so I don't know why there is this big ideal that WE must draw away from one another, cause it didn't seem like we were really attached to begin with. I have tried to be friends and every few weeks or sometimes only once am month or so contact her and see whats up, usually my calls or vociemails or messages not being returned (She also has problems with forgetfulness and anxiety but that might be an excuse for being passive). I have another mild guess that a lot of this may be because she has issues to sort though but I might just be projected that on her so I don't think it was me she really rejected.

Comments/Advice Welcome

Dreams and Fears

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:07:40 GMT

Dreams and Fears

I have been thinking about dreams and fears a lot lately and about my devotion to Christ. I think that next Sunday when I preach filling in for a friend I am going to preach on fear, something related to Moses and some others we see in scripture. No one was without fear, from Moses to David, Elijah running to the cave, Jeremiah wrestling with his calling, and Jesus in the garden pleading with God to take the cup from him if there was any other possible way.

I have fear, I will admit it... I know a lot of people do not; they feel it better to hide fear from others and even from themselves. Sometimes I am fearful of things like driving and driving through the rain.... but other times I am afraid of so much more. Sometimes I am afraid that I have spent all this time educating myself for a full-time ministry position, following God, and now in the time when things should happen nothing is.. and my fear is that nothing will ever come of it, that I will never find a ministry job, that somehow I am missing something or others will never see the spark of God in me, the one that I know is there but need a chance to show, need a chance to cultivate and mold and express to others.

I have another fear... It is being up in the front, though not nearly as bad as it use to be it is still there, only by the times I have pushed myself forward (with some help from others and strength from God) have I found it easier as my life as progressed. Of course, I have also learned that I am much more nervous before being up front than when I am actually up front, kinda like getting a shot at the doctors office... sometimes the waiting is so very unnerving and difficult, perhaps that is why I find this period in my life quite unnerving. Trying to trust God and wait when the signs seem to show otherwise is difficult. But my fear is that I give up on my calling because it makes me uncomfortable, because it takes risks, because I may not seem the minister-type to some. I have friends who have given up their callings (ministry or otherwise), I know who they are and it saddens me to see them settle for something less when God called them to something greater. Some would say they found a more practical route, more financially feasible, got married or had kids.... to me these are excuses in life that hinder us from following God, from becoming fulfilled.

My fear is that I will never get up and preach like I dream about, preaching sermons that bring light into peoples life. Some that bring them kneeling with utter conviction and others that will infuse believers with joy in the love and compassion from their God, and that that love might be shared with others as the community bond tightens and the Kingdom of God grows like a mustard seed. I fear I will become lazy and doubtful and leave these dreams, these visions behind and trade them for something plain, something normal, settle for a mediocre faith, one that is based on my level of ease and not based on struggling to risk, struggling to let God use me in ways I cannot even imagine.

Another underlying fear is that I will be single, that I will never be married. As much as single guys normally are not supposed to want such things, I actually do... and I have this fear that it will never happen either because it is not God's will for my life or because I have become so pessimistic about relationships now that I will never try for more than friendship, nor would anyone ever see me as more... that I would remain stuck between the family I grew up with and the family I will never have.

Fears, yes I have fears but mixed in with these fears are my dreams, did you sense them in those paragraphs I just wrote, strewn without and within, between the lines and intermixed with my fears... yes, they are intertwined and if I never meet my fears, if I never trust God in those times and in those things, then I will never truly be able to even try grasping at such dreams.

My dreams are to have a wife and a family one day, but also to be a Christian who truly expresses Christ with both my words and my deeds; spoken, written, and acted-out in and through my life. That I will find a ministry job that will use all my gifts and that God will give me the boldness to speak those words, the ones that sit between his word and spirit and my mouth, the ones that stay hidden, the ones that lay waiting... waiting for what sometimes I am not sure...

So my dear fellow readers,
I now ask you the questions...

What are you fears?
What are you dreams?
Have you given up? Are you struggling?
How do your fears and dreams mix and fight against one another?

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://imgarchive.info/200..904/47279.jpg

Almost Used:
http://www.hemmy.net/image..s/photography/childrennigh..tmare01.jpg

What Dreams May Come

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:18:49 GMT

Current mood: anxious

What Dreams May Come
08/23/2009 - 6:39AM

I just woke up from another dream, another dream almost so bad it felt like a nightmare for some strange reason. I woke up with feelings of anxiety and my heart was pumping. The dream itself was simple enough really... I was taking on an additional job at a grocery store stocking and fronting. In it I had a leader and a person helping me, then in the middle of it they left, they were gone, and I was left by myself. After a while I found a kind lady who helped me out, who told me what to do and then said my job was only two hours every night (which was odd to me in my dream and I must have thought it was supposed to be longer somehow).

Why would that cause anxiety? I don’t know, I don’t know how to interpret dreams really... Are they a mix of my feelings? Are they random? Are they visions from God? Whatever it is, when I am in times of confusion and trouble, in times of transition and searching, my dreams seem to increase, and usually increase with and add to my anxiety as well.

I long to have pleasant dreams again, which I haven’t had a lot of since this past January. My soul has been on edge and with me leaving my church, it has become worse... Maybe it is anxiety over finding another church, over finding another ministry position, maybe me questioning if youth ministry fits me. I don’t tell people this but sometimes I have visions, day dreams about preaching Gods word... but not what is normally heard, at least in an acceptable Caucasian southern Baptist church. No, I have dreams of preaching like the prophets of the Old Testament like Ezekiel, Jeremiah, or Elijah. For some reason I think the church needs preaching but not from those who are fearful but those who seem to hold no fear, which is funny to hear from me, a guy who still has trouble getting up front in front of people (though not nearly as bad as it use to be by any means).

I see our churches declining and I wonder where the power of God is at in all of this. People say it is part of America’s moral decline and in other countries the gospel is exploding. In most of those countries the message is simply the gospel, the good news of Jesus but here in America we already know the good news or people think they do at least. What people need is to be awakened from their spiritual sleep; they need to see the gospel and church as relevant. And I think a lot of what the prophets said in the Old Testament is very pertinent to our present condition in our country and in our churches.

Who will help the poor? The government has Medicare and Food Stamps and Unemployment, but what is the church really doing about it? Should we have universal healthcare? How is the church helping those who cannot afford healthcare? (I am among them) Do we offer to help those in need freely or do we coerce them by our helping hands to hear the gospel message. I have heard stories where help was only offered if those in need attended some bible study, church service, seminar, or revival meeting. Is this the heart of the gospel? Do you think Jesus would hold carrots in front of a hungry person but tell them they could not eat unless they listened to his message? I don’t see Jesus using that kind of manipulation, maybe sometimes we depend more on a person hearing a sermon than on the Holy Spirit speaking after a kind act, leaving the person wondering why love would be shown freely, with no strings attached.

What dreams may come... for me in my jobs and ministry, for me in relationships which often confuse me, and for the future of the church in America and among all Christians, my brothers and sisters in the faith. In all things may we continue to seek and trust God.

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://harvestfellowship.n..et/yahoo_site_admin/assets../images/j0433074.143171504.._std.jpg

New Steps and Trusting God Once Again

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:30:06 GMT

New Steps and Trusting God Once Again

I am writing this, something I have wanted to write for a while, something that has been brewing in my heart and in my mind, filling me once again with questions and confusion. I will likely post this tomorrow but tonight(Aug. 2nd) I give my resignation to the church (My last will be Aug. 18th, 2009), to my first church, which comes as a bitter-sweet thing. I always decided I was going to leave when I really felt God calling me to leave the church, either because I just felt called to leave or because I felt called to another church. Well, I have been seeking God, seeking other possibilities of churches, mostly wanting to know where God wants me, in what direction he wants me to go (leave or stay).

I have interviewed with a couple of churches, some of you know this from my notes, private notes, or messages and I appreciate your prayers (and continuing prayers in all of this). But somewhere about a month ago I began to feel it was time to leave, to leave this first ministry position and prepare for the next one. So, even though I have had some interviews and no other jobs are lined up, I just feel it is time to move on, maybe to another youth group, maybe to another ministry besides youth. Really I just want to be open to God.

Also, the last few months my passion has been lagging, my spirit has felt burnt-out and heavy. I haven’t been coming to God like I need to and so I will also use this time to come before God, to work on me, my personal relationship with Him. I have been thinking of a few ways to do this, but I need to be refreshed, I need to call out to God, cry out to God, and be in a place to be able to hear his voice and be ready for whatever is next. I am also considering holding off any more interviews for about a month after my last day at VBC, I just feel I need some time, some peace, and some room to think and pray.

I often wonder what God has next for me, for it seems my plans always flop and so I need to be open to everything and that scares me, scares me because I know it means putting myself out there, being uncomfortable once again, it means trusting God as I sort through the fog and clasp my hand around the hand of my Father, of my God, hear his voice and follow once again into that unknown.

To those of my church who read this I loved you all.. and leaving feels like leaving a family, a family I have known for 2.5 years and have grown to love, have been use to seeing, and now I must leave, must go and follow because that is what we are supposed to do, not just as ministers but as Christians, go and follow when we hear God call, when we feel the Holy Spirit speaking to us in our lives.

May God bless us as we follow, may we trust as we go, may we find peace in knowing we are obeying in the midst of fear and our confusion about life and what will come next.

Your Brother in Christ,
~ Daniel

Regret

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:54:06 GMT

Regret

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at the time; he was astounded by how much time had gone by. It was now very late and while the conversation was wonderful, both the time and the hurried sound of rainfall was upon him. He wanted to stay... good grief he wished he could just stay there all night and into the morning, continuing this conversation, being there with her, but he knew he needed to go, needed to leave, if not now then he would be there all night, whether by the speeding of time and conversation or the flooding from the rain pounding outside.

He looked at her and said he needed to go; yes he used the word needed, not because he wanted to use it but because he felt he had to use it. Sure, it was early in that getting-to-know-you phase, sure he wanted to seem respectful, sure he didn’t want anyone (including her) to get the wrong opinion, but in his heart he wanted not to go; however, his feelings of duty forced him to answer "yeah, I need to go" when she said it was pouring outside and he could stay a while until the storm passed if he wanted. Why did she have to offer? Why did he feel he had to refuse?

He didn’t know it then but he would regret that decision for a long time, not because the rain was far worse than he wanted, not because his car got messed up; but because in his heart he truly wanted to stay, maybe should have stayed... spent the night in deep conversation, maybe held her hand, maybe just went to sleep on her couch as the rain, as the storm continued to pound its way.

But he didn’t... No, he was too proper, to predictable maybe to do such a thing, respectable in a good way; however, a way that may have messed things up for him. He always wonders, has wondered, and will wonder if things would have been different after that? Would she have seen him in a different light? Would he had taken better steps, better advances at getting to know her, letting her know him, even if only a little more, only a couple of hours. Would life be different, the same? He looks back on this event and on others like it and wonders what would be different?

He ponders the past but knows he can only try to be more ready in the future, more ready to take risks, less ready to let opportunities slide, and more ready to be bold when those situations come along. The past is behind and nothing can be done about the past... but the future waits. He can hear the rain pounding. He can hear his heart throbbing. He can hear his slurred breathing because he is nervous... and tries to convince himself... wants to convince himself that next time will be different, that who he was then is not who is now... that he has hopefully learned not to let those times pass by without taking hold of them, cherishing the moment, grasping for dear life, before finally letting them go and fall away, fall behind, and becoming the past once again.

~ Daniel

Pic:
http://www.visuallee.com/weblog/images/rear_view_night_rain.jpg
http://wvs.topleftpixel.com/photos/umbrella-man_rain_sherbourne_night.jpg

Thinking Vs. Feeling

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 12:11:08 GMT

Something I drew this morning...

~ Daniel

On the Soap Box: On Being Ignored and Situational Friendships

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 12:13:23 GMT

On the Soap Box:
On Being Ignored and Situational Friendships

I feel like getting on my soap box based on a post I read on Xanga.com recently, it was speaking about being ignored by people and how extremely annoying it is. I so agree... I thought as I got older my friendships would expand but it seems like friendships drop in and out of radar for no reason at all, among these the most are friendships with females, including the double-standard that comes in friendships with them specifically (do not worry, this is only part of this writing).

I don’t know what it is about friendships with the other gender but doesn’t it always seem more complicated, sometimes for no reason at all. Case 1: I got a message once from someone I barely knew though a friend who wanted to know if I was interested in being her date to a sorority thing. In all honesty, I was not attracted to her that much, call me shallow but hey, I have been turned down as well, so whatever... anyways, it wasn’t just that I was not attracted but I don’t really want to go on a date, especially a socially awkward one, and one where I feel inclined to dance and talk to a lot of people I don’t know (did I mention I cannot dance). I don’t know, going on a date because they can’t find someone and going on a date like that with someone I am not actually dating did not seem preferable. Anyways, so I thought I would wait a day or so and respond somehow. As a guy I want to be direct but not hurtful. Then I get a message from her friend whom I know asking why I haven’t messaged her back. WOH, HEY! How come when a female doesn’t get a response their friends are allowed to message me in complaint but when I do not receive a reply to a message or comment there is no one getting onto females for me. Not that I would want that, but it just seems unfair...

More generally, it is just annoying to me now because I consider people on myspace and facebook my friends, so when I message or comment and receive no reply, it honestly confuses me. Why are they still even my friend if they do not care to respond to me? Why are they even listed as my friend if they do not respond to me? So yeah, a few days ago I deleted a bunch of people, ones who I just never talk to and many of them were females who I would comment or message and they would never respond to me. It is so annoying and I have no problem deleting "friends" who do not associate with me, mainly because if we are not friends I do not care to act like we are. I am not into games or friendship politics... sure I give people chances but after so long I just tire of trying to reach out, trying to friends, after so long I just decide to say screw-it, they are not my friends.

Also, I have noticed there are those friends who are always friends on their own terms. You can try to talk to them, chat with them, call them, or plan things - but unless it is there idea or on their schedule they will not associate with you. This is annoying to me as well but I usually just respond when they choose to show up, though I sometimes wonder if I should... Sometimes friends like that make me want to say I am busy or tired. I just hate to feel like I am giving so much into friendships while some people only seem to take, then when they are done with your friendship, done with letting you fill some emotional void, done with their between times of other friendships, they just drop you and act as if you never existed, as if you friendship didn’t even matter, so annoying...

I mean, where is the quality in friendships when they just all seem to come and go... it is like you put all this time and quality into getting to know someone and then, it is as if none of it really mattered at all, it totally makes you feel rejected as a person… and as a friend. I suppose one could go for more shallow friendships, surely you would have more to do, but I have never liked quantity over quality. I guess situational friends and friendships just annoy me sometimes and then having to act like those people are still your friends when you see them again is almost humorous.

Well, lets be honest, a lot of those I am speaking about were likely deleted and so they will not read this. And another hint that the 50 people I deleted of facebook last week were not really my friends is that it has been almost a week and not one has messaged me or friend requested me, they do not even notice they are not my friend anymore - is anymore evidence needed?

So, if you are a person who gives a lot in your friendships then my heart goes out to you and if you are a person who takes, who goes from friend to friend, I would ask where the quality is in your friendships? Do you leave because you are bored? Do you leave because once people begin to know you, you get afraid or scared? Think about those friends who pour themselves into your life only to be left behind, how would you like that feeling? Maybe it even happened to you once?

May we all try to have quality friendships, may we learn to be givers more and takers less, and if we feel out of balance between the two, may we feel free to leave those friends who are not really our friends anymore and find freedom from that, a release of pressure and worry trying to reach out to someone who is already gone…

*Off the Soap Box* :.)
~ Daniel

Pic:
http://uppitynegronetwork.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/soapbox.jpg
http://www.publishersweekly.com/articles/blog/880000288/20081028/rants.jpg

Separation of Church and State: Part 2 of 2

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:28:35 GMT

If there is no respect for another person, then I can assure you there will never be open dialogue in which to persuade them to the gospel of Christ in the first place.

Separation of Church and State: Part 2 of 2:
How Christians Have Lost Their Voice and Will Loose Their Freedom

...Now, I do think paying homage to Jesus Christ is a good thing that should be allowed at a graduation ceremony. Why? Because I think the student earned the right to speak and should be allowed to thank whatever influences are in his or her life. However, again it is important to stress that if we allow this freedom of speech and religion for one, a Christian, then we must allow it for another - otherwise we are just being plain hypocrites. One never has to agree with what is said, but out of respect, one should always respect a person for who they are, including different beliefs. If there is no respect for another person, then I can assure you there will never be open dialogue in which to persuade them to the gospel of Christ in the first place. Does this mean we deny our conviction and faith, no - but we do not force others to deny theirs either...

… And this is where Christians in America have begun to hang themselves - we cry to freedom of religion and speech and we cry to the obliteration to the separation of church and state, not for others but for us, so that Christians may once again rule America as it should be. The problem is that in doing this we are setting ourselves up for a Civic Church, one whose freedom of speech is going to be halted in the mutual agreement on civility, peace, and toleration.

If there is no civic church then there will be a destroying of the church as it eventually must go underground. Freedom of speech is already being lost by Christians in other developed nations when they preach against things like homosexuality. Now it is we who must cease our freedom so that another can have theirs, toleration and all. But who is tolerating the Christian voice in this situation, why does the KKK get to continue it speech and demonstrations but Christians are loosing their own? Why is a good question… And I honestly think it is something we have been doing to ourselves - now that public thought of different religions and ideas being accepted grow, as the information we are fed is always changing, people question absolute truth.. and instead of answering their queries, instead of discussing faith with them, we have taken the approach of merely telling them they are wrong, they are evil, they are sinful - we forgot that we to are sinful and wrong (Romans 3:21-24), this is why Christ died for us (Romans 5:6-11).

Somewhere we lost ourselves as "Christians in a nation called America", we accepted politics over true faith, voting morals instead of sharing them with our feet and by our actions, we have lost our voice and our only true chance to find it is to look to Jesus once again; this son of God who taught his disciples who never knew who he was until the end (MK 8:27-30; LK 24: 13-35), who spent time with sinners despite the murmurings of the religious authorities of his time(MT 9:8; MK 2:15-17); , who told us to pray for our enemies (MT 5:43-48), and who told us to give to Caesar what is Caesars and give to God what is God's (Mt 22:21; MK 12:17; LK 20:25).

Think About It...
~ Daniel

Pic:
http://sarahpalintruthsquad.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/bible-american-flag.jpg
http://erlc.com/images/article_photos/misc/pledge-allegiance.jpg
http://o.aolcdn.com/propeller/media/library/x/-/x-EVlK.jpg

Other Relevant Articles:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/editorials/2006-07-23-faith-edit_x.htm
http://erlc.com/article/to-whom-do-you-pledge-your-allegiance/
http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/0728/p09s02-coop.html

Separation of Church and State: Part 1 of 2

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 18:14:00 GMT

Let's be honest, it has been a long time coming... and many of us so called Christians and Americans seem to have no clue what it means to have freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and separation of church and state. People think they know about the issue but in reality have no idea what is boils down to...

Separation of Church and State: Part 1 of 2
How Christians Have Lost Their Voice and Will Loose Their Freedom

First, what most people think is separation of church and state is related to things like not being allowed to have the 10 Commandments on public property, not being allowed to pray in schools, not being allowed to say Jesus in a graduation ceremony, and not being able to share Jesus everywhere. But when we look at these issues of freedom, where are they at? Most of these are all in public settings, setting where people are all together... The 10 Commandments are great laws to live by but the issue is not that they are not good but that the government is endorsing one religion and not giving freedom to another. The choice is to either take out the commandments or to add other religious texts from various religions; however, a majority of Christians would not like other religions referred to...

Ah, but here it is, Christians wanting freedom of religion, but only for themselves and not for others. Does allowing freedom for others mean we are condoning their beliefs and rejecting our own, certainly not. What it does mean is that Christians are putting themselves in a very difficult hole in society. Toleration is the cry we hear from the liberal foot-hills of free speech and if Christians and right-wing people would be smart, they would accept toleration as a valid point, not only in allowing more discussion of other beliefs but using it as a stepping stone to also allow their own faith and beliefs to be heard and also to remain valid in the eyes of others.

Prayer in school is another thing that was lost almost a half-century ago and is still very much spoken about, especially by the older people of my generation. They feel Americas decline was based on this; of course one would say that the decline caused the idea of ending prayer to come up so something was wrong before that ever happened. Still, think about it - how would you feel if a Muslim was allowed to pray every morning and your child had to be a part in it? Does that seem fair? You say "We are a Christian nation" and to that I say "So was Germany and the Nazis'"... I am not saying we are the same, except we cannot put faith and nationalism on the same scale, Rome did that and fell between their King and Pope conflicts as well if you read the history books (See: Reason why America added Separation of Church and State). To say others faith exist in America is not a denial of our own, in fact, if we would open our eyes we would see it as a vast amount of people needing to see the light of Christ instead of seeing them as political enemies (enemies who Christ told us to love by the way - Matthew 5:43-48 anyone?).

…
~ Daniel

Pic:
http://sarahpalintruthsquad.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/bible-american-flag.jpg
http://cruciality.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/a-nazi-flag-flies-in-front-of-the-cologne-cathedral-1937.jpg
http://www.venturaweekly.com/images/2006/magdalen.jpg
http://img.forministry.com/7/7B/7B9FB865-F4CA-4D74-9F4C63E85AC0DAD3/311D175D-4CAF-40DC-86D8B2B31B2FD6EC.jpg

Other Relevant Articles:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/editorials/2006-07-23-faith-edit_x.htm
http://erlc.com/article/to-whom-do-you-pledge-your-allegiance/
http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/0728/p09s02-coop.html